Standing on the Shoulders of Giants

As I wonder through the hallways of Maryknoll Lay Missioner Bethany house I am surrounded by the images of holy men, woman and children.  My room is on the 3rd floor so I either climb the stairs or take the elevator.  Both doors open and face an image of Oscar Romero.  He was an Archbishop in El Salvador who was killed during Mass in 1980 for fighting for the rights of the poor.  On the chapel walls hang images of four Maryknoll woman who were killed in 1980 in El Salvador.  And throughout the building I am surrounded by photos of woman, children, and men working with the poor and marginalized in countries throughout the world. Each day I see a photo for the first time and I am struck by the beauty of ordinary men and woman who have dedicated their lives to building a better world.

The images are amazing here at Bethany but also at the Society's (Priests) and Congregation's (Sisters) home.  More than the images are the real people that we get to meet who have amazing stories to tell.  The other night the priests and brothers had us over for happy hour.  As I scanned the room I was overwhelmed by the history, wisdom, and witness that was gathered in that room.  Each person had a story to tell.  We have add a lot of opportunities to meet with Lay Missioners, Priests, and Sisters who have served throughout the world.  They tell stories of working in places like China, Korea, Central America, South America, and Africa to name a few.  Some of these missioners worked with people like Oscar Romero.  They were friends with some of the people who have died for their faith and the rights of the poor.  They have built amazing relationships and done inspiring work with the poor.

We were lucky to have our Regional Coordinators with us for the past week.  Every day these men and woman go to work and address issues like land mines in Cambodia, orphans and aids in Africa, and poverty and violence in Brazil.  They are our leaders our mentors.  I am humbled to think that in a few short months the 13 of us in orientation will be joining them in the field.

The Maryknoll Priests were founded 100 years ago and the Sisters followed a year later.  From them the Lay Missioners were born 36 years ago.  We are three separate entities and yet together we make up the Maryknoll family. Each day I am reminded that we stand on the shoulders of giants.  Giants who have championed the rights of the poor in mission for the Catholic Church for 100 years.  I am so humbled to follow in the footsteps of these missioners and I can only hope that by learning from them I will be able to make a small difference in the lives of the people of Sao Paulo, Brazil.

Driveway of MKLM Bethany House

For now I am just trying to take in all of the history, wisdom and beauty that surrounds me.  I see beauty in the people I have met and the pathways that I walk.

(P.S. Mom don't worry my picture will not be hanging on the wall with those have died.  I promise).

My first days in New York.

I have arrived at the Maryknoll Lay Missioner House for orientation in Ossining, New York.  After a long trip on Friday I settled into my room and met my fellow Lay Missioners.  Tonight we met for a short introduction and dinner together.  After going over the schedule I can tell it is going to be an intense and busy 11 weeks.

It is good to be with so many people 13 total who have been on a similar journey for the past few months.  We have compared notes on what we did with our belongings, homes, and most importantly the emotional roller coaster of the past few months.  I have noticed that as we share stories of our families and friends we have left at home the stories are usually accompanied by both a smile and a tear. 

But there is also an excitement about the missions that lie before us.  We will leave NY and head to Africa, Bolivia, Brazil, and Cambodia.  At this time we have more questions then answers, but we know the answers will come in time.  

It is quiet here now (8:41pm) as everyone is settling into their rooms.  The windows are open because it is so humid so I can hear an array of animal sounds.  Crickets, frogs, and maybe bats. I am tired and yet I am still on West Coast time so it seems so early to go to bed.  But I am going to try.

I don't seem to have an wise words tonight.  My brain is tired.  I will close with what I am looking forward to in this process, learning more about the Maryknoll Mission, meeting my country director from Brazil, getting to know my fellow missioners, a week long trip to Washington DC, and laying the foundation for my time in Brazil.

Maryknoll Bethany House

My (Shared) Bathroom

My Room

TV Room

Fellow Missioners in TV Room/Conference Room

Shower Room

Hallway

Kitchen

Simple Living

The last couple of days I have been working on my will.  When reflecting on how I would leave my estate I began to realize what little I had left.  As many of you know I have sold almost all that I own in my preparation to serve the poor in Brazil.  Since I am living with my sister at this time I really want for nothing.  So it has not really sunk in yet that most of my possessions are gone.  Sure every now and again I go to find something and realize I don't have it any more.  Take today for example I was looking for my rosary for a funeral.  I was not sure where it was.  I know I did not get rid of it, I am sure I packed it in one of my boxes that I plan to keep.

Which leads me to a question for all of you.  If you were to scale down all that you own and just keep the most important things in your life how many boxes would you have left?  My magic number was 6. My criteria for keeping something was is it sentimental?  (OK I have to be honest the six boxes does not include my clothes, shoes, or computer that I am taking with me to New York, and then Brazil).

Now that I am at the point of taking the next step to New York and really embracing the simple life I have to admit I have found a lot of freedom in it.  I have the ability to be more mobile and not be tied down by things.  I am not saying that this life is for everyone.  Of course if you have a home and family you need things to survive.  But for me, for this time in my life I am learning what it is to trust and to let go.

I have let go of many things I have had for my entire adult life.  And even some items I have had my whole life.  I am challenged to worry less about the material things I will need and trust that I will have them when I need them.  And I will have them for the most part because of the generosity of others.  I have already began to experience that generosity from many people in my life.  From my family who has taken me in for a few months, to friends and family who have treated me to dinner or happy hour, and from a few who have offered me some money to cover some of my expenses as join Maryknoll Lay Missioners.  It is a very humbling experience for me. I am so use to taking care of myself and others.  It is hard at times to let others take care of me.

However, I am learning to embrace this simple life.  And I promise to use this gift and the generosity of so many to do my part to serve the poorest of the poor in the world.  I recognize that by giving to me others allow me to be free to serve others.  Simple living has challenged me to look at what matters in my life.  And for me it is not material goods, it is the relationships that shape my life.

A New Adventure as a Maryknoll Lay Missioner

I have some exciting news to share with everyone.  In the fall I will start a new ministry as a Maryknoll Lay Missioner.  My life as a Maryknoll Missioner will be spent in Brazil working to respond to the basic needs of the poor and helping to create a more just and compassionate world.

My journey to become a Missioner began last August in Peru.  My friend Jeanine was telling me about her life as a Missioner.  She mentioned that I should look into it.  At the time I thought nothing of it but over the next few months that invitation continue to nag at me.  One day I decided that I was going to walk through whatever door God opened.  So I applied for an application in November and was approved to apply for a position.  After I received the application it sat on my desk for a couple of months.  I walked by it all the time but was not sure I was ready for such a big adventure.  Needless to say, I applied in late January.  After some emails and a phone interview I went to New York for an interview in March.  In June I was invited to serve in Sao Paulo, Brazil.

I am very excited to serve with the Maryknoll community in Brazil.  You can read more about Maryknoll Lay Missioners at http://www.mklaymissioners.org/.  I am most excited to use my degree in Communication to help teach leadership skills, conflict resolution, and negotiation skills to those in need of tools to stop the cycle of poverty.

I will leave Portland for orientation in New York on September 23rd.  I will be back for Christmas and then after the first of the year I will go to Brazil. Until then I plan to continue working, spend quality time with friends and family, and enjoy some sun (hopefully).  It has been a busy couple of months.  I have sold almost everything I own (except my car which I will sell soon).  My sister Patsy, her husband Curt, and son Liam have graciously let me live with them until I leave. This has helped me pay off bills and start saving money for my life as a Missioner.

I will post more as I prepare to leave in the Fall.  For now I just ask for your prayers as I prepare to embark on this adventure.

Where Not Our Hearts Burning

In August 2010 I sat in a garden at Hotel Betsy in Peru and reflected on my experiences in Bolivia & Peru with CRS.  This trip changed my life and gave me the desire to do more. Below are some of the reflections which I wrote in that little garden and in the weeks that followed.

Where Not Our Hearts Burning

They walked two by two toward Emmaus

Searching for the answers to their questions

Jesus began to walk with them

He talked to them and they shared their stories

And as they broke bread the Son of God was revealed

We traveled the roads of Bolivia and Peru together

Searching for answers to our questions

Along the way many fellow travelers joined us

They told us their stories

They broke bread with us

And they revealed the Son of God to us

My heart is burning

Burning because I know I have walked with Jesus this week

My heart is burning with a desire for justice, for dignity and life for all people

My heart is burning because I have found my place, my being, my true self

My heart is burning because I long to engage in the relationship which will be the change

My heart is burning because I have sinned through greed and ignorance

My heart is burning because the world is so vulnerable

My heart is burning because I am vulnerable

My heart is burning because I am responsible

I am responsible for all we have met and those we did not

I am a voice

A voice for the voiceless

And yet I feel so small

My heart is burning because I have encountered Christ in the broken, damaged, frail, powerful, and resilient people I have encountered

My heart is burning because my friend Jesus walked beside me on this journey

Guiding me, challenging me, forgiving me, and loving me.

Living the Questions

I live the questions every day

Every breath I take encounters the questions

Each drip of water raises more questions

I tell the stories and stumble over the questions

They steal my sleep

They move and spin within me all day long

In searching for answers

I only find more questions

Just when I find a moment of peace and calmness

The questions hit me like lighting bolts and electrify my thoughts

Living the questions is living with unrest, uncertainty

Living the questions is living with faith

The questions may bring me to my knees

But it is on my knees that I find hope

As the questions haunt my days and my nights

I cling to faith and the hope it promises

I pray that my Hope, my Savior, my God, will lead me to the answers

Huancayo

Breathe in me oh God of Hope

Breathe in me oh God of Justice

Transform my broken heart

Transform my sadness into understanding

Console me as I grieve for your people

Console me as I grieve for your creation

Hold me in my despair

Hold me in my anger

I stand here stunned and confused

I stand here weeping

You are the one who can shed light on this despair

You are the one who can lead me out of this darkness

I surrender my confusion to you

I surrender my emptiness to you

I surrender

I surrender

I surrender

You are my way to hope

You are my way to forgiveness

You are my way to strength

You are my way