YES

The final days of my orientation have arrived. For 11 weeks my new friends and I have been preparing for our lives as missioners.

We came to Maryknoll with the desire to answer the call to live the lives God is calling us to. It seems fitting that we sign our covenant at Mass on the feast of the Immaculate Conception.

Today, Dec 8th we reflect on Mary's Yes. Mary's willingness to embrace the life as the mother of Jesus. The scripture readings today recall the angel telling Mary "do not be afraid."

As I say yes to living as a missioner I take comfort in these words. I am very excited about my life ahead. However, it comes with some fear and sacrifice. My greatest fear is learning a new language. And my greatest sacrifice is having to say goodbye to my family and friends. I know the days ahead will be filled with joy and some sadness. Saying goodbye is going to be very difficult. But I feel very    blessed to have so much support in my life. Today I say yes to a life as a missioner a way to live out my hearts desire.    
                                                                                                      

From the back row, left to right.            

Chris (Africa-TZ), Rick (El Salvador), Darren (El Salvador)
Katie (TZ), Dee (Cambodia)
David (TZ), Mabel (TZ), Hyun Jung (Brazil)
Caitlin (TZ), Carolyn (Brazil), Nena (Bolivia)
Gloria (Bolivia), Isabel (Brazil), Maria (Cambodia)
Sirikit (Brazil), Donna (Bolivia)

The Advent of My Life

When I arrived at the Maryknoll Lay Missioner Orientation program in September I really did not have any idea of what was in store for me.  Many people mistakenly think I am in language school and so they ask me about my Portuguese.  I have picked up one or two more words but I will not begin my language training until I arrive in Brazil in January.  Instead I have been going through a training that involves a variety of topics from practical issues for the every day life of a missioner to theological reflection.  


What I have found is that the MKLM Orientation Programs has evolved into a time of advent in my life.  Advent is a time of preparing, a time of dying to self, and a time to prepare for the coming of the Lord.  This season is a journey of waiting in prayer and anticipation for the coming of a new life.  I find myself in a season of advent.  I am preparing for a new beginning, a new adventure, a new way of living, a new reality, a new set of relationships, new struggles, new challenges, and new joys.  All of which I believe will lead me to prepare the kingdom of God.  Through the joys, pain and suffering of the poor in Brazil I will continue my journey in order to make my life in God and in order to answer the call to prepare the way of the Lord.


Advent is a time of waiting and preparing.  Here in New York I have been preparing for my mission to Brazil.  I have been waiting to be sent overseas.  In the waiting and in the preparing I have found a peace and a calmness. So this advent I have a new understanding of the season.  I am able to embrace the moment and enjoy my time here at Bethany.

FBI, Police, Security Guards, Visas...How Lucky Am I?

The life of a Maryknoll Lay Missioner is sure to come with some challenges and adventures.  Today I feel like I have faced my first set of challenges and succeed while having a few adventures along the way.

My journey to get a visa for Brazil began in early October.  Our first step was to get a FBI clearance and a letter of good conduct from the Police Department.  OK, that did not sound too difficult, however, when I asked about which police department I should go to for finger prints and the letter I was literally given 5 different answers.  So I started calling all five police departments, I finally talked to someone who sounded like they could help.  So my fellow Brazil missioners, Sirikit, Sr. Isabelle, and Sr. Hyun Jung and I jumped into the car and headed off to the police.  Only problem was we could not find the police department, just when we were not sure what to do I saw a police car, Hyun Jung flipped the car around and we pulled up along side the police car.  I rolled my window down and ask the cop where the police station was located.  He asked, "my police station"? and I said yes please.  He gave us directions and we were off.  When we arrived at the station they were not to happy to see us.  Somehow we convinced the officer to take our fingerprints even though he did not want too.  By the end of our time with him he was telling us how to commit the perfect crime.

The next day we needed to get our letter of conduct.  We went to see Jo at the police station.  Again she was not real excited to see us.  At first they told us they would not give us a letter.  This was a huge problem for me because if I did not get it from them I was going to have to go to the consulate in California, which had the potential of delaying my leaving the US.  Again we turned on the charm and an hour later we had our letters.  Which turned out too good to be true.  Jo confused Sirikit and I as Maryknoll Sisters and put the wrong address on our letter.  She told us they were closing so we needed to return the next day.  Which we did, again Jo worked on our letters and this time the zip code was wrong.  So while Jo typed our letters for the third time another police woman came to the window.  She asked if I was a nun.  I told her no I was not, she informed me I was to nice to not be a nun.  She then informed me this process was causing her to drink, I asked if I could join her.  She laughed and asked us more about our mission.  When we finally left with our letter in hand three police officers came out to wish us luck and to tell us "God Bless You".  With our FBI forms, fingerprints and police letter taken care of our next step was  to wait for our documents from Brazil to arrive.

Unfortunately, there was a strike in the Post Office in Brazil.  Our documents were delayed and so we had to go to Washington DC before they arrived, thus delaying our trip to the consulate.

Upon our return to New York we had almost everything in hand that we needed for the Visa.  The only thing missing was our FBI clearance.  That is not set to arrive until mid December.  By then I will be back in Oregon only adding to the complications.  So our regional coordinator Joanne told Sirikit and I to go the Brazilian consulate and see what happens.  Which we did last week.  We were nervous because we knew we could be turned down but still ready to take a chance.

We arrived at the consulate and lined up to have our ID checked and picture taken.  Once this was done we were able to pass through security to go to the elevators.  We rode to the 21st floor.  Once outside the elevator we got in a line of about 10 people.  There was a security guard checking information.  He seemed upset but I was determined to keep my head down and be as pleasant as I could.  He yelled at almost everyone in front of us.  When he came to us I smiled and said hello.  To my surprise he smiled back and said hello.  He told us to line up in side.  As turned the corner I saw another line of about 30 people.  I thought to myself this is like Disneyland, just when you think you are at the front of a line you get into another line.

As we waited in line the security guard came in and was yelling again.  He said that if anyone caused any problems he would shut this place down and none of us would be processed.  Sirikit said to me I wonder what that is all about.  The guy in front of us overheard her comment and began explaining to us what was going on.  At first I thought is he mumbling because I don't understand him.  Then I realized he was speaking Portuguese.  I was listening thinking maybe I will someday be able to understand him.  I thought I understand a little of what he was saying.  Then I thought why doesn't Sirikit tell him we do not understand him.  Apparently she was waiting for me to tell him.  Finally the man took a breath and I said I should tell you we don't speak Portuguese.  He laughed and began to speak English.  We never did understand what was going because we reached the end of that line, only to get a number to sit in chairs and wait.

I was sitting in the chair looking around the room at the other 100 restless people thinking none of you better misbehave, I need my visa.  At first I thought we would be there for hours but after 5 minutes I realized I was next.  My number was called and I presented my documents.  They told me they had to call a supervisor.  Sirikit joined me in line and we both held our breath and prayed as Fernando checked our documents.  He asked where is the police report.  I showed him waiting for questions about the FBI clearance but he never asked.  Fernando stamped our papers and handed us a receipt.  He told us to pick up our Visas in a week.  In shock and excitement we headed for the door.  As we left I felt the eyes of 100 people on us thinking how did we get through so fast.

So today was the moment of truth.  I boarded the train headed to the city with three receipts in my purse. I wondered if Fernando had worked his magic or if I would show up and be denied because I did not have my FBI info.  I weaved in and out of the umbrellas on the busy Manhattan streets praying that I would get what I had come for.  When I arrived I went through all the lines and security as before.  Finally my number was called I handed the woman my receipts and she said I don't have your visas take a seat.  So I sat back in the hard cold chairs.  She called a few more people then disappeared.   She came back to the window and motioned to me.  I presented my receipts again and to my great surprise and pleasure three passports came back through the window to me.  SUCCESS.......

As you can tell getting a visa to Brazil had it's challenges.  We had a lot of paperwork and hoops to jump through.  Through it all I kept thinking of two things, thank God I am doing this in English and not Portuguese; and I thought of all the millions of people around the world who today also where trying to get papers to travel.  I never doubted I would get a Visa, I just did not know what I would have to do to make it happen.  I am one of the lucky ones, as a US citizen I am blessed to have the freedom and power to travel.  I have the means and the ability to be accepted in most every country.  Not everyone is so blessed.  Many are trying to escape torture, poverty, war, etc. to find a better life.  They may not be as lucky as I was today.  My story presented challenges, however, my life was never in danger, and I always believed I would get what I wanted.  Not everyone is so lucky. So tonight I am grateful for my privilege and my freedom and I pray for all those around the world who do not have the same.

Sirikit, Carolyn, Sr. Isabelle, Joanne,  Sr. Hyun Jung

Lessons I Have Learned

During a class on journaling I wrote the following list.  I thought it was fun and so I share it with you.  I would love to hear from you some of the lessons you have learned in life.

Lessons I Have Learned

1. Always pack a snack when you are traveling
2. Tell people you love them
3. Take pictures
4. Laugh
5. Cry
6. Express your needs
7. Follow your heart
8. Share your passion
9. Live your passion
10. Ask questions
11. Listen
12. Dance
13. Smile
14. Pray
15. Face your fears
16. All things in moderation nothing in excess
17. Family means more than the people who live in your house
18. Celebrate seasons and holidays
19. Everyone has a story to tell
20. When in Rome.....
21. Don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today
22. Care about others
23. Take medicine as soon as needed
24. Don't be bullied
25. Choose your words wisely
26. The sun is a healing force
27. Be intentional about relationships
28. Carry Kleenex in your pocket (you never know when the bathroom will be out of toilet paper)
29. Check your pocket for Kleenex before you do your laundry
30. Sing even if you don't have a good voice
31. Forgiveness frees us
32. Take time to sit on a bench
33. Play
34. Life can be hard
35. Don't put love in a box
36. There is more than one way to do things
37. Tradition is important
38. Life is an experience
39. Not everyone learns the same way
40. The world is both a small and big place
41. Hope gives way to a new reality
42. We all make mistakes
43. A loyal and loving family is a blessing
44. Real friends are one of the most important things a person can have
45. Try to always be on time
46. Dress for the occasion, when in doubt wear black pants
47. If you act like you know what you are doing everyone else thinks you do know what you are doing
48. If you have a relationship with Jesus, you are never alone
49. Life is full of changes
50. Travel whenever you get the chance

Standing on the Shoulders of Giants

As I wonder through the hallways of Maryknoll Lay Missioner Bethany house I am surrounded by the images of holy men, woman and children.  My room is on the 3rd floor so I either climb the stairs or take the elevator.  Both doors open and face an image of Oscar Romero.  He was an Archbishop in El Salvador who was killed during Mass in 1980 for fighting for the rights of the poor.  On the chapel walls hang images of four Maryknoll woman who were killed in 1980 in El Salvador.  And throughout the building I am surrounded by photos of woman, children, and men working with the poor and marginalized in countries throughout the world. Each day I see a photo for the first time and I am struck by the beauty of ordinary men and woman who have dedicated their lives to building a better world.

The images are amazing here at Bethany but also at the Society's (Priests) and Congregation's (Sisters) home.  More than the images are the real people that we get to meet who have amazing stories to tell.  The other night the priests and brothers had us over for happy hour.  As I scanned the room I was overwhelmed by the history, wisdom, and witness that was gathered in that room.  Each person had a story to tell.  We have add a lot of opportunities to meet with Lay Missioners, Priests, and Sisters who have served throughout the world.  They tell stories of working in places like China, Korea, Central America, South America, and Africa to name a few.  Some of these missioners worked with people like Oscar Romero.  They were friends with some of the people who have died for their faith and the rights of the poor.  They have built amazing relationships and done inspiring work with the poor.

We were lucky to have our Regional Coordinators with us for the past week.  Every day these men and woman go to work and address issues like land mines in Cambodia, orphans and aids in Africa, and poverty and violence in Brazil.  They are our leaders our mentors.  I am humbled to think that in a few short months the 13 of us in orientation will be joining them in the field.

The Maryknoll Priests were founded 100 years ago and the Sisters followed a year later.  From them the Lay Missioners were born 36 years ago.  We are three separate entities and yet together we make up the Maryknoll family. Each day I am reminded that we stand on the shoulders of giants.  Giants who have championed the rights of the poor in mission for the Catholic Church for 100 years.  I am so humbled to follow in the footsteps of these missioners and I can only hope that by learning from them I will be able to make a small difference in the lives of the people of Sao Paulo, Brazil.

Driveway of MKLM Bethany House

For now I am just trying to take in all of the history, wisdom and beauty that surrounds me.  I see beauty in the people I have met and the pathways that I walk.

(P.S. Mom don't worry my picture will not be hanging on the wall with those have died.  I promise).

My first days in New York.

I have arrived at the Maryknoll Lay Missioner House for orientation in Ossining, New York.  After a long trip on Friday I settled into my room and met my fellow Lay Missioners.  Tonight we met for a short introduction and dinner together.  After going over the schedule I can tell it is going to be an intense and busy 11 weeks.

It is good to be with so many people 13 total who have been on a similar journey for the past few months.  We have compared notes on what we did with our belongings, homes, and most importantly the emotional roller coaster of the past few months.  I have noticed that as we share stories of our families and friends we have left at home the stories are usually accompanied by both a smile and a tear. 

But there is also an excitement about the missions that lie before us.  We will leave NY and head to Africa, Bolivia, Brazil, and Cambodia.  At this time we have more questions then answers, but we know the answers will come in time.  

It is quiet here now (8:41pm) as everyone is settling into their rooms.  The windows are open because it is so humid so I can hear an array of animal sounds.  Crickets, frogs, and maybe bats. I am tired and yet I am still on West Coast time so it seems so early to go to bed.  But I am going to try.

I don't seem to have an wise words tonight.  My brain is tired.  I will close with what I am looking forward to in this process, learning more about the Maryknoll Mission, meeting my country director from Brazil, getting to know my fellow missioners, a week long trip to Washington DC, and laying the foundation for my time in Brazil.

Maryknoll Bethany House

My (Shared) Bathroom

My Room

TV Room

Fellow Missioners in TV Room/Conference Room

Shower Room

Hallway

Kitchen

Simple Living

The last couple of days I have been working on my will.  When reflecting on how I would leave my estate I began to realize what little I had left.  As many of you know I have sold almost all that I own in my preparation to serve the poor in Brazil.  Since I am living with my sister at this time I really want for nothing.  So it has not really sunk in yet that most of my possessions are gone.  Sure every now and again I go to find something and realize I don't have it any more.  Take today for example I was looking for my rosary for a funeral.  I was not sure where it was.  I know I did not get rid of it, I am sure I packed it in one of my boxes that I plan to keep.

Which leads me to a question for all of you.  If you were to scale down all that you own and just keep the most important things in your life how many boxes would you have left?  My magic number was 6. My criteria for keeping something was is it sentimental?  (OK I have to be honest the six boxes does not include my clothes, shoes, or computer that I am taking with me to New York, and then Brazil).

Now that I am at the point of taking the next step to New York and really embracing the simple life I have to admit I have found a lot of freedom in it.  I have the ability to be more mobile and not be tied down by things.  I am not saying that this life is for everyone.  Of course if you have a home and family you need things to survive.  But for me, for this time in my life I am learning what it is to trust and to let go.

I have let go of many things I have had for my entire adult life.  And even some items I have had my whole life.  I am challenged to worry less about the material things I will need and trust that I will have them when I need them.  And I will have them for the most part because of the generosity of others.  I have already began to experience that generosity from many people in my life.  From my family who has taken me in for a few months, to friends and family who have treated me to dinner or happy hour, and from a few who have offered me some money to cover some of my expenses as join Maryknoll Lay Missioners.  It is a very humbling experience for me. I am so use to taking care of myself and others.  It is hard at times to let others take care of me.

However, I am learning to embrace this simple life.  And I promise to use this gift and the generosity of so many to do my part to serve the poorest of the poor in the world.  I recognize that by giving to me others allow me to be free to serve others.  Simple living has challenged me to look at what matters in my life.  And for me it is not material goods, it is the relationships that shape my life.

A New Adventure as a Maryknoll Lay Missioner

I have some exciting news to share with everyone.  In the fall I will start a new ministry as a Maryknoll Lay Missioner.  My life as a Maryknoll Missioner will be spent in Brazil working to respond to the basic needs of the poor and helping to create a more just and compassionate world.

My journey to become a Missioner began last August in Peru.  My friend Jeanine was telling me about her life as a Missioner.  She mentioned that I should look into it.  At the time I thought nothing of it but over the next few months that invitation continue to nag at me.  One day I decided that I was going to walk through whatever door God opened.  So I applied for an application in November and was approved to apply for a position.  After I received the application it sat on my desk for a couple of months.  I walked by it all the time but was not sure I was ready for such a big adventure.  Needless to say, I applied in late January.  After some emails and a phone interview I went to New York for an interview in March.  In June I was invited to serve in Sao Paulo, Brazil.

I am very excited to serve with the Maryknoll community in Brazil.  You can read more about Maryknoll Lay Missioners at http://www.mklaymissioners.org/.  I am most excited to use my degree in Communication to help teach leadership skills, conflict resolution, and negotiation skills to those in need of tools to stop the cycle of poverty.

I will leave Portland for orientation in New York on September 23rd.  I will be back for Christmas and then after the first of the year I will go to Brazil. Until then I plan to continue working, spend quality time with friends and family, and enjoy some sun (hopefully).  It has been a busy couple of months.  I have sold almost everything I own (except my car which I will sell soon).  My sister Patsy, her husband Curt, and son Liam have graciously let me live with them until I leave. This has helped me pay off bills and start saving money for my life as a Missioner.

I will post more as I prepare to leave in the Fall.  For now I just ask for your prayers as I prepare to embark on this adventure.

Where Not Our Hearts Burning

In August 2010 I sat in a garden at Hotel Betsy in Peru and reflected on my experiences in Bolivia & Peru with CRS.  This trip changed my life and gave me the desire to do more. Below are some of the reflections which I wrote in that little garden and in the weeks that followed.

Where Not Our Hearts Burning

They walked two by two toward Emmaus

Searching for the answers to their questions

Jesus began to walk with them

He talked to them and they shared their stories

And as they broke bread the Son of God was revealed

We traveled the roads of Bolivia and Peru together

Searching for answers to our questions

Along the way many fellow travelers joined us

They told us their stories

They broke bread with us

And they revealed the Son of God to us

My heart is burning

Burning because I know I have walked with Jesus this week

My heart is burning with a desire for justice, for dignity and life for all people

My heart is burning because I have found my place, my being, my true self

My heart is burning because I long to engage in the relationship which will be the change

My heart is burning because I have sinned through greed and ignorance

My heart is burning because the world is so vulnerable

My heart is burning because I am vulnerable

My heart is burning because I am responsible

I am responsible for all we have met and those we did not

I am a voice

A voice for the voiceless

And yet I feel so small

My heart is burning because I have encountered Christ in the broken, damaged, frail, powerful, and resilient people I have encountered

My heart is burning because my friend Jesus walked beside me on this journey

Guiding me, challenging me, forgiving me, and loving me.

Living the Questions

I live the questions every day

Every breath I take encounters the questions

Each drip of water raises more questions

I tell the stories and stumble over the questions

They steal my sleep

They move and spin within me all day long

In searching for answers

I only find more questions

Just when I find a moment of peace and calmness

The questions hit me like lighting bolts and electrify my thoughts

Living the questions is living with unrest, uncertainty

Living the questions is living with faith

The questions may bring me to my knees

But it is on my knees that I find hope

As the questions haunt my days and my nights

I cling to faith and the hope it promises

I pray that my Hope, my Savior, my God, will lead me to the answers

Huancayo

Breathe in me oh God of Hope

Breathe in me oh God of Justice

Transform my broken heart

Transform my sadness into understanding

Console me as I grieve for your people

Console me as I grieve for your creation

Hold me in my despair

Hold me in my anger

I stand here stunned and confused

I stand here weeping

You are the one who can shed light on this despair

You are the one who can lead me out of this darkness

I surrender my confusion to you

I surrender my emptiness to you

I surrender

I surrender

I surrender

You are my way to hope

You are my way to forgiveness

You are my way to strength

You are my way