I was in church and Fr. Dave was talking about God's presence in making difficult decisions and how often we pray for wisdom and clarity. I was reflecting on the difficult decision that I had to make to leave the Maryknoll Lay Missioners in order to move to Joao Pessoa Brazil to live and work with the Maryknoll Sisters. When suddenly I realized I had reached the moment of clarity that I had prayed for so many months ago.
It was New Years Eve and the sisters and I were taking a moment to pray for the up coming year. In our prayer we went through each month and prayed for all we expected in the coming year. I remember being really surprised that for the first time in my adult life I really had no idea of what my future would be. Would I remain in Sao Paulo with the Lay Missioners, would I be able to move to Joao Pessoa or would I go home to stay? This was the decision I needed to make. And so for almost every month after March I prayed for clarity.
Today I realized I had that clarity. My choice to leave the Lay Missioners was really hard and yet I know it was right. I feel certain that I am called to move to Joao Pessoa. I am assured that they are awaiting my return in June. There are so many layers that make this a difficult time of transition. However, weaved into all the challenges lies hope.
Today I am grateful that the uncertainty I had on New Years Eve is transformed into clarity. I by no means have all the answers and yet every day one more thing falls into place which only confirms my decision. I trust as I move through the months to come even more light will be cast upon my life that will only confirm my decision. Funny thing is by surrendering and putting a lot of trust in God's call I have found a certainty that cannot be described. I may not know how things will all work out and yet I know with certainty that they will and that I am on the right track.
